The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Okay, my name is actually Shannon Bradley-Colleary.ON MARRIAGE AND SEX: Do you feel bad about fantasizing that you’re a hot-blooded Flamenco dancer having a torrid affair with George Clooney after an international dance competition in Firenze, Italia after which he drinks vodka out of your belly button? (Not that I have that fantasy. This is hypothetical).ON PARENTING: Were you accused by your then 4-year old of “Cutting the Fun!”? (Again, hypothetical).ON BEAUTY: Do you wish you knew how all of the celebrities over 40 look so good? I mean, are they moisturizing with yak semen?ON BODY IMAGE: Could you solve Poverty if you spent less time wondering how to stop your thighs from rubbing together?ON MY ASSHAT RECOVERY PROGRAM: While I patiently waited for my ex-boyfriend to come out of his Cave, I didn’t realize the Cave he was in was another woman’s vagina.ON HOLLYWOOD: Have you ever wondered if Gwyneth Paltrow stole your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions then this blog is for you and you should definitely sign up for my weekly newsletter so you won’t spiral out of control in the black nothingness of space like Sandra Bullock, only minus the part where she gets back to earth. (Thanks to George Clooney, I might add. I see there’s a recurring theme to this post).

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